he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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