his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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