Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
