Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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