I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
