Small penises have feelings too.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
