Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
