onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
