I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
