Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
