i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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