you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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