I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
