Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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