I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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