What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were trust falling into bushes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
