I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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