yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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