shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
