the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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