very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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