hotel room ftw
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We need to get me chipped asap
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
