Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
