Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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