I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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