ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
