so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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