lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
