my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
