Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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