and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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