You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
