we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
