Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
