So drunk its hurt
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
