Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
