brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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