do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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