Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Less talking, more tequila
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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