Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
