Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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