i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
