I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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