It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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