Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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