so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
