you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
