If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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