My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
