we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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