I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
