I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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