My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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