What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
