I think i peed on brittanys purse
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
