Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
