oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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