Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
