i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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