WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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