You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't put those talents on a resume
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
