I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
