I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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