Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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