I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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