I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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