Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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