I could make wine with my vomit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
