i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I need to align my fucking chakras
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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