If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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