What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
