After last night, I could never be a politician.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
