i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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