Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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