Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
