Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We need to get me chipped asap
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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