Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there is glitter all over my balls
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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