My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
