Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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