Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
