I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
