This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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