You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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