I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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