This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
