I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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