I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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